Genderfluid

edit: this post was originally titled Two-Spirit / Genderfluid .. with some information from one of my commenters and after some reading I've changed it to Genderfluid as I'm not a First Nations person

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance (#TDOR) I'm only 24 and I've already lost one trans friend, personally, to bullying and physical violence.  S/he's not dead yet, but s/he's so far down the rabbit hole of drug&alcohol abuse, that s/he might as well be. From the stories I hear, that's not atypical.  I could talk about that, or other frightening, depressing, upsetting encounters I've had or read about.  But, instead I'm going to honour them and all my GLBTQ friends who struggle daily by sharing my own story of gender id and some fun boi photos :)  Personally I'd like to call it Transgender Day of Respect

I had a rough go of it, sure, who doesn't?  I was bullied excessively in my single-gender school.  But in my opinion - what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.  I had really supportive parents - my mum shopped for my brother and I in the same section.  For years and years, I wore his hand me downs.  I went to a refuge of a summer camp called Centauri where it wasn't a problem that I was a prince one day and a princess the next.

In the same way some people say they've always known that they are straight/bisexual/lesbian/gay ... male/female/trans ... I've always known that I am none of those things, but identify with some aspects of each them.  Some days I am a sexy woman, a girly girl, a butch, a tomboy, a metrosexual guy or most recently a leather boi.  Why am I writing this?  I think education / understanding is the key to ending genderphobia and gender-orientation based violence.  One thing I'd like to help people understand is that (maybe just for me) gender identity is a gradient, and not always directly tied to sexual orientation.

 

I had a very hard time figuring this out because I felt so strongly that I had this male side that was attracted to gay/bi men and straight women. But that was always a struggle because I'm also an undeniably female, girly girl who's attracted to heterosexual men and lesbian/bi women. I never really wanted to become a male entirely to or be identified as a transexual but I often felt like a boy and wanted to present myself as one.

Once upon a time I thought I'd have to pick just one and stick with it eventually, or that to identify as male I would have to somehow transition. Now I think I'll be celebrating all those identities and exploring more. Some days I wake up feeling like one or the other, but most days its a blend.  I've also learned that I don't have to be sure of my sexual orientation to be comfortable with my gender.

I'm not a transgendered person - I hate labels, but I prefer genderbender if you must. I am female and I have no plans otherwise but some part of me truly is a boy, and all aspects of me reject binary gender norms.

I don't feel gender or sexual orientation as a binary or even gradient - for me it really is fluid: you cannot step twice into the same stream  I present myself how I feel inside, I don't wear these genders as a costume or a game.  That being said, I have also been known to engage in Genderfuckery for entertainment purposes ;) :P when I do dress up - my character choices reflect the gender that I feel at that particular moment.